Jeremy would have been 40 tomorrow. Wow. I can't imagine him as a 40 year old man. Anyway, Happy birthday. Following writings are from my mum Caroline and my sister Catherine.
THOUGHTS OF JEREMY - From Caroline Funder, (Jeremy's Mum).
* Jeremy was born on 28th January 1970. My mother’s birthday and she was probably more excited about his birth than I was at that time.
I was very run down after Jeremy’s birth both physically and emotionally. Physically I could hardly walk and was in terrible pain with the bad cut that became infected and didn’t quickly respond to antibiotics or any of many treatments. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t sleep and was deeply depressed. On reflection I think that I suffered from post natal depression for at least 6 months after Jeremy’s birth.
I was advised to have a break for a few days and leave Jeremy in the hospital until I was stronger – so Chris and I went for a long weekend (wonderful Muff minded the girls), but that was worse than being at home I don’t remember much about it except one memory of trying to walk up a pier and being in so much pain that I just couldn’t, and couldn’t sit down because that hurt more than standing up. I remember crying a lot and being glad to get home.
I was totally miserable. I came home to my girls and left Jeremy in the hospital for 10 days without even visiting him.
The girls were a bit apprehensive about having a brother “will he come home and bash us up?” was a question that caused some amusement to all.
Jeremy was an easy baby – bottle fed
Girls especially Claudia were jealous of new arrival. Given the chance she would give him a good bash over the head when passing his basket.
It took about six months to bond with Jem.. .there was a lot of emotional stuff going on. Then quite suddenly I thought what a wonderful, sweet responsive little baby he was and became so pleased and proud of him and wanted to show him off to everyone. Something I’d not thought of before. I began to love him. He was very responsive, a bright baby and obviously very forgiving…thank God no problems as a result of early difficulties in bonding.
* Loved Kindergarten
* Did well at local state school - was to be put up a grade in the following year and was a favorite of the teachers –Especially the librarian -I only learned this after his death.
* Wrote an amazing piece about whaling…..with himself being the whale and being killed with a nuclear warhead harpoon.
* Was cast as the “king’’ in the classes drama performance in the last year he was at school Grade 2. Have a book of photos of this play.
* Lots of friends - all living locally. Everyday playing with kids after school. Got on well with other older kids in the street.
Hard to control. Delightful child but naughty. Used to frighten me on this account.
* Mary’s girls adored him – he was a little older than them, and Mary often ‘borrowed’ him to play with them at Parkhill Road. We spent a lot of time there visiting at least once a week or more.
* One day he got stuck in the outdoor toilet…..well over half an hour. I was called from home, and when I got there worked out how to release the door without further help…… Mary was distraught but he was totally unfazed, no crying or fuss but obviously glad to be released……faith in the grown-ups I suppose
* Enjoyed going to Emerald as did all the kids. Loved to go for a night walk. On the night Figaro was knocked over, Jeremy’s job was to get bandaids and detol for my bitten hand. It was a horrible night for all of us.
* Frank and Mary Ellen’s wedding was a huge event for Jeremy who was so proud of his proper trousers belt and shirt with frills….. He had a ball.
* Jeremy went everywhere with Chris, which caused me much worry, but also meant that if he went, I could keep the girls with me and would not have to worry about them…….strange thinking really, but in the circumstances not unreasonable. So the two of them did a range of things that we did not……I was always afraid of what could happen with Chris’ terrible driving and him often being in a state in which he should not have been driving anyway.
* Jem was a great talker
Talked endlessly every morning about his dreams, also had a wicked giggle – think Joel has the same. Got on well with children both older (kids in the street) and younger than himself
* Slept in the disabled bathroom (from the previous owners) which we made into a little bedroom but still had a shower and toilet on one wall. He smashed a bottle of “Old Spice” in this room the day before he died………a tantrum about something, have no idea what.
From Catherine (Jeremy's oldest sister).
Hmmmm.... thoughts...
* Jeremy would always try to go up to the shops late at night with mum because she would buy him a lolly bag at the milk bar! So unfair!, I thought at the time.
* If I was thirsty while we were watching tv, I'd say 'Gosh I am really thirsty...' and Jeremy would jump up and get me a glass of water! Lovely.
* I remember him being very kind and thoughtful of others. Very earnest and sweet.
* He was always putting up his fists and pulling faces for the camera.
* I remember the day that Jeremy and Dad had out at Sovereign Hill. I remember it as a 'boys only' thing. They bought me back a horse shoe with my initials engraved in it. I have always kept that horse shoe on my kitchen window sill of where ever I am living.
Catherine FP
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Dream
Years, possibly even 10 years, after Jeremy died I had a wonderful dream. I'd had nightmares about his death (the classic was written up for a year 11 horror story assignment - I'll leave that one for later) but then I had a really great "Jeremy dream" that made me smile and feel terrific and closer to him. I don't know if dreams mean anything deep, but for me the most important aspect to any dream is the emotion which gives the main message. It could be fear, happiness, anger, discovery, uncertainty etc. This dream was just filled with good thoughts, joy and love and appreciation of eachother, connectedness and sheer happiness. So here it is.
Jeremy actually died 3 days before his eighth birthday on January 25th 1978. He shared a birthday with my maternal grandmother on January 28th.
In my dream Jeremy was in heaven. He was an angel and lived in heaven with everyone who was there.... For some reason God had granted him a holiday each year from the morning of the date he died, jan 25th to his birthday evening on Jan 28th. We were delighted to say the least. The first time he appeared, we were of course stunned (OH my god, he's BACK?!) and then he explained the system of the 4 day holiday.
So when January came around each year we would get very excited and make up his bed on the evening of the 24th and then when we woke up in the morning - TA DAAA! he'd be there waking up with us. We'd then have a crazy 4 days of catching up on the year - with all the goings on in heaven and what we'd all been doing here as well. We'd each try to find personal time with him and we had to have a birthday party and catch ups with the wider family. Over the years no matter what happened we were home through the end of January for Jem's visit.
It was a bit like groundhog day, as this scenario played out over years and years. Each year Jeremy was a year older as were we and its the only time i've seen him very clearly in my mind as an adult.
On the night of his birthday, the 28th, we knew the bed would be empty in the morning when we awoke and we would not see him for another year, so there were big good night hugs and farewells. Then the empty bed in the morning, some sadness and disappointment, but then we just looked forward to the next time we would see him. In the dream the four day holiday system commenced shortly after his death when he was 7 (and 362 days) and not sure of heaven and cried when he had to go back. As the dream fast forwarded through the years I saw him as a happy kid, a developing adolescent and then an adult; living in heaven, fulfilling the duties and being very happy.
After the groundhog style dream going through a few years, seeing him growing into adulthood and being happy and visiting us annually, I woke up. I have no idea if it meant anything, but if it did it was simply that he's fine. Or maybe he's still within each of us as we grow and live our lives. Who knows? It was just a great dream.
Jeremy actually died 3 days before his eighth birthday on January 25th 1978. He shared a birthday with my maternal grandmother on January 28th.
In my dream Jeremy was in heaven. He was an angel and lived in heaven with everyone who was there.... For some reason God had granted him a holiday each year from the morning of the date he died, jan 25th to his birthday evening on Jan 28th. We were delighted to say the least. The first time he appeared, we were of course stunned (OH my god, he's BACK?!) and then he explained the system of the 4 day holiday.
So when January came around each year we would get very excited and make up his bed on the evening of the 24th and then when we woke up in the morning - TA DAAA! he'd be there waking up with us. We'd then have a crazy 4 days of catching up on the year - with all the goings on in heaven and what we'd all been doing here as well. We'd each try to find personal time with him and we had to have a birthday party and catch ups with the wider family. Over the years no matter what happened we were home through the end of January for Jem's visit.
It was a bit like groundhog day, as this scenario played out over years and years. Each year Jeremy was a year older as were we and its the only time i've seen him very clearly in my mind as an adult.
On the night of his birthday, the 28th, we knew the bed would be empty in the morning when we awoke and we would not see him for another year, so there were big good night hugs and farewells. Then the empty bed in the morning, some sadness and disappointment, but then we just looked forward to the next time we would see him. In the dream the four day holiday system commenced shortly after his death when he was 7 (and 362 days) and not sure of heaven and cried when he had to go back. As the dream fast forwarded through the years I saw him as a happy kid, a developing adolescent and then an adult; living in heaven, fulfilling the duties and being very happy.
After the groundhog style dream going through a few years, seeing him growing into adulthood and being happy and visiting us annually, I woke up. I have no idea if it meant anything, but if it did it was simply that he's fine. Or maybe he's still within each of us as we grow and live our lives. Who knows? It was just a great dream.
The Nickname
Dad gave it to him. Told him stories about gangsters and their imaginative names. From then he called Jeremy Ratface and Jeremy LOVED it. We loved calling him Ratface too, even if with somewhat of a different inflection...
The Hat
He had a leather hat with rings linked around the base of the head bit (not the brim). He loved it and wore it all the time. After he died Dad gave it to our cousin Josh who is about the same age as Jay. Years later I went to their house and the hat was casually hanging off his bedpost. I saw it and was struck with shock, familiarity and a strong nausea. I think I exclaimed or commented on the hat and Josh made some comment about treasuring it. I didn't hear it. I was still in shock. I wonder if he still has it. Josh has since traveled the world, won a Rhodes Scholarship, is now in a great job and has just gotten married. I think of him and Jeremy being similar ages and both of frightening intelligence (and I secretly think Jay would have given Josha a run for his money on the scholarship.)
The Soverign Hill Teapot
Dad wanted us all to go out one day for the day and Catherine and I refused. Jeremy went and all day we wondered where they'd gone. When they returned it came to pass that they went out to soverign hill. I can't remember if Jeremy bought anything back for Catherine but he bought me a brown pottery teapot and I was totally overcome. I loved it, treasured it, kept it wrapped in its paper in my treasure box under my bed. When we left the house in a hurry years later the pot was left behind and I've always wondered what became of it. In fact now i collect Teapots and I'm sure Jeremy started that in me. And the fact that his is not part of my collection.
The Secret Seven Books
One of my fondest memories I have of Jeremy is reading to him at night. I read him the Secret Seven Books which were slightly ahead of his reading ability (or probably not, he was way ahead). It was our time together and we both really loved it. We'd curl up on my bed sharing my orange bed spread (used later in my car as an old packing blanket). I'd read a chapter at a time and try and finish before a suspense filled climax and make him wait for hte ending (what a horrible control freak!!) but usually i'd get so into it myself that I'd read a couple of chapters and need to hear the storyline resolution as much as he did, even though I'd read it before.
The New Baby
As a Baby
I remember when he came back from hospital we lived in High St Kew. I hit him a lot. I think i was jealous of the new baby and resented not being the youngest any more, so I rapt him on the head with my knuckles as I passed his pram or basket. um, as i recall I rapped him on the head as hard as I could... to be chastised by parents and then hold the resentment against the baby. I can't feel bad about that now. Kids are kids.
I remember when he came back from hospital we lived in High St Kew. I hit him a lot. I think i was jealous of the new baby and resented not being the youngest any more, so I rapt him on the head with my knuckles as I passed his pram or basket. um, as i recall I rapped him on the head as hard as I could... to be chastised by parents and then hold the resentment against the baby. I can't feel bad about that now. Kids are kids.
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