The Dream

Years, possibly even 10 years, after Jeremy died I had a wonderful dream. I'd had nightmares about his death (the classic was written up for a year 11 horror story assignment - I'll leave that one for later) but then I had a really great "Jeremy dream" that made me smile and feel terrific and closer to him. I don't know if dreams mean anything deep, but for me the most important aspect to any dream is the emotion which gives the main message. It could be fear, happiness, anger, discovery, uncertainty etc. This dream was just filled with good thoughts, joy and love and appreciation of eachother, connectedness and sheer happiness. So here it is.

Jeremy actually died 3 days before his eighth birthday on January 25th 1978. He shared a birthday with my maternal grandmother on January 28th.

In my dream Jeremy was in heaven. He was an angel and lived in heaven with everyone who was there.... For some reason God had granted him a holiday each year from the morning of the date he died, jan 25th to his birthday evening on Jan 28th. We were delighted to say the least. The first time he appeared, we were of course stunned (OH my god, he's BACK?!) and then he explained the system of the 4 day holiday.

So when January came around each year we would get very excited and make up his bed on the evening of the 24th and then when we woke up in the morning - TA DAAA! he'd be there waking up with us. We'd then have a crazy 4 days of catching up on the year - with all the goings on in heaven and what we'd all been doing here as well. We'd each try to find personal time with him and we had to have a birthday party and catch ups with the wider family. Over the years no matter what happened we were home through the end of January for Jem's visit.

It was a bit like groundhog day, as this scenario played out over years and years. Each year Jeremy was a year older as were we and its the only time i've seen him very clearly in my mind as an adult.

On the night of his birthday, the 28th, we knew the bed would be empty in the morning when we awoke and we would not see him for another year, so there were big good night hugs and farewells. Then the empty bed in the morning, some sadness and disappointment, but then we just looked forward to the next time we would see him. In the dream the four day holiday system commenced shortly after his death when he was 7 (and 362 days) and not sure of heaven and cried when he had to go back. As the dream fast forwarded through the years I saw him as a happy kid, a developing adolescent and then an adult; living in heaven, fulfilling the duties and being very happy.

After the groundhog style dream going through a few years, seeing him growing into adulthood and being happy and visiting us annually, I woke up. I have no idea if it meant anything, but if it did it was simply that he's fine. Or maybe he's still within each of us as we grow and live our lives. Who knows? It was just a great dream.