The Dream

Years, possibly even 10 years, after Jeremy died I had a wonderful dream. I'd had nightmares about his death (the classic was written up for a year 11 horror story assignment - I'll leave that one for later) but then I had a really great "Jeremy dream" that made me smile and feel terrific and closer to him. I don't know if dreams mean anything deep, but for me the most important aspect to any dream is the emotion which gives the main message. It could be fear, happiness, anger, discovery, uncertainty etc. This dream was just filled with good thoughts, joy and love and appreciation of eachother, connectedness and sheer happiness. So here it is.

Jeremy actually died 3 days before his eighth birthday on January 25th 1978. He shared a birthday with my maternal grandmother on January 28th.

In my dream Jeremy was in heaven. He was an angel and lived in heaven with everyone who was there.... For some reason God had granted him a holiday each year from the morning of the date he died, jan 25th to his birthday evening on Jan 28th. We were delighted to say the least. The first time he appeared, we were of course stunned (OH my god, he's BACK?!) and then he explained the system of the 4 day holiday.

So when January came around each year we would get very excited and make up his bed on the evening of the 24th and then when we woke up in the morning - TA DAAA! he'd be there waking up with us. We'd then have a crazy 4 days of catching up on the year - with all the goings on in heaven and what we'd all been doing here as well. We'd each try to find personal time with him and we had to have a birthday party and catch ups with the wider family. Over the years no matter what happened we were home through the end of January for Jem's visit.

It was a bit like groundhog day, as this scenario played out over years and years. Each year Jeremy was a year older as were we and its the only time i've seen him very clearly in my mind as an adult.

On the night of his birthday, the 28th, we knew the bed would be empty in the morning when we awoke and we would not see him for another year, so there were big good night hugs and farewells. Then the empty bed in the morning, some sadness and disappointment, but then we just looked forward to the next time we would see him. In the dream the four day holiday system commenced shortly after his death when he was 7 (and 362 days) and not sure of heaven and cried when he had to go back. As the dream fast forwarded through the years I saw him as a happy kid, a developing adolescent and then an adult; living in heaven, fulfilling the duties and being very happy.

After the groundhog style dream going through a few years, seeing him growing into adulthood and being happy and visiting us annually, I woke up. I have no idea if it meant anything, but if it did it was simply that he's fine. Or maybe he's still within each of us as we grow and live our lives. Who knows? It was just a great dream.

The Nickname

Dad gave it to him. Told him stories about gangsters and their imaginative names. From then he called Jeremy Ratface and Jeremy LOVED it. We loved calling him Ratface too, even if with somewhat of a different inflection...

The Hat

He had a leather hat with rings linked around the base of the head bit (not the brim). He loved it and wore it all the time. After he died Dad gave it to our cousin Josh who is about the same age as Jay. Years later I went to their house and the hat was casually hanging off his bedpost. I saw it and was struck with shock, familiarity and a strong nausea. I think I exclaimed or commented on the hat and Josh made some comment about treasuring it. I didn't hear it. I was still in shock. I wonder if he still has it. Josh has since traveled the world, won a Rhodes Scholarship, is now in a great job and has just gotten married. I think of him and Jeremy being similar ages and both of frightening intelligence (and I secretly think Jay would have given Josha a run for his money on the scholarship.)

The Soverign Hill Teapot

Dad wanted us all to go out one day for the day and Catherine and I refused. Jeremy went and all day we wondered where they'd gone. When they returned it came to pass that they went out to soverign hill. I can't remember if Jeremy bought anything back for Catherine but he bought me a brown pottery teapot and I was totally overcome. I loved it, treasured it, kept it wrapped in its paper in my treasure box under my bed. When we left the house in a hurry years later the pot was left behind and I've always wondered what became of it. In fact now i collect Teapots and I'm sure Jeremy started that in me. And the fact that his is not part of my collection.

The Secret Seven Books

One of my fondest memories I have of Jeremy is reading to him at night. I read him the Secret Seven Books which were slightly ahead of his reading ability (or probably not, he was way ahead). It was our time together and we both really loved it. We'd curl up on my bed sharing my orange bed spread (used later in my car as an old packing blanket). I'd read a chapter at a time and try and finish before a suspense filled climax and make him wait for hte ending (what a horrible control freak!!) but usually i'd get so into it myself that I'd read a couple of chapters and need to hear the storyline resolution as much as he did, even though I'd read it before.

The New Baby

As a Baby
I remember when he came back from hospital we lived in High St Kew. I hit him a lot. I think i was jealous of the new baby and resented not being the youngest any more, so I rapt him on the head with my knuckles as I passed his pram or basket. um, as i recall I rapped him on the head as hard as I could... to be chastised by parents and then hold the resentment against the baby. I can't feel bad about that now. Kids are kids.

The Three of Us

Jeremy
He was the youngest of the three of us. Four years younger than me and five and a half years younger than our older sister, Catherine. She was always incredibly protective of him which always puzzled me. I think she being older, was much more aware of what was going on in the world, going on in our world and she worried about him and protected him. She worried when he left for school and only took little comfort when Jo one our friends down the road walked him to school.